Integrity is our true spine. It’s what everything hangs on. It’s our ability to know and live who we genuinely are. By definition, integrity is “the state of being whole and undivided.
”What does it take to understand our wholeness? For me, it takes honesty.
Honesty requires an inner journey to recognize and embrace one’s individual core. It has the courage to live from this core, no matter what others think (or, what we imagine they think) of us.
I’ve written about many topics that resonate with many of us, but honesty is the topic at my center. I’m on an honest heart journey that I never expect to end.
My heart and mind must be open, courageously vulnerable, and full of gentle grace, if it is to love and live fully, and undivided.
It’s taken several rounds to determine and own what I call my core values. We each have them, whether we recognize them, or not.
To me, core values are those defining values that guide my priorities and decisions, and how I show up in the world. I hope they are apparent in all that I do.
I see that values are as diverse and valuable as we are. Childhood lessons, the culture in which we grew up, beliefs that we’ve internalized over time, life circumstances, others’ impact on us, our faith practices…they all help shape who we are, and what we hold most dear.
The beauty is, there is no one right answer. I have five core values – Honesty, Humility, Genuineness, Generosity, and Spirituality. I value these above all else (and there’s a heck of a lot that I value!).
I realize that, for me, all of my values are empowered by honesty. They all hang on it. Humility: False modesty signals insecurity. I know this because I’ve lived it. I’ve always loved a definition of meekness that a friend shared as “having all the power in the world, and knowing when and how to use it.” Humility is breathtaking in its release of ego, or the need to prove oneself, and the welcoming of our spiritual Source. For me, humility defined Jesus’ gentle power and immeasurable impact.. Genuineness: It’s essential to deep, meaningful, healing connection. When others believe our intent, they listen to and trust us. When our intent is honest, it emboldens us to live fully and freely. Generosity: There’s nothing more wonderful to me than loving others – celebrating and encouraging their beauty to shine. Generosity given with false intent, or with strings attached, doesn’t feel good to anyone. While there are things that I might not have resources to support for others, my honest heart can always encourage theirs. Spirituality: If it is sincere, humble, and open to learning, one’s spiritual life is powerful and blessed. My indivisible connection with the Divine – a God that is, to me, always good, always present, always aware, knowing, and caring – is my very heartbeat. I am aligned, at peace, and trusting when I feel this guiding presence.
Years ago, I experienced the impact of being in an environment in which I couldn't trust several people around me, and I found others disingenuous. Unhappy, I felt numb to the sustaining spiritual life that I'd known before. I went through all the motions of worship, but felt none of its pure connection and inspiration. I withdrew from others, lived a hidden self-condemnation, and felt alone.
I realize now that little felt honest around or within me, and I shut down.
And yet, as I heard recently, “Peace doesn’t happen by pretending there’s no conflict.” You’re blessed when you get your inside world —your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.
- Matthew 5:8 The “put right” in this favorite passage says “honest” to me. It’s having an unencumbered heart that is pure and full of love – for God, others, and ourselves.
I continue to have conversations with many women who are beginning to give themselves permission to peek from behind the skirts of duty, responsibility, and expectation to ask themselves what THEY honestly believe and desire, what they value at their core.
They ask, not in a selfish way that overlooks others, but within an awakening that is truly freeing.
There’s a deep joy in finding this freedom, and also in witnessing someone we love having this awakening. I’ve asked myself these honest questions: Do I behave in a certain way or make decisions because of what I think others expect of me? Or, out of fear of what they might say about me? Do I compare or quantify my actions with another’s? Do I feel obligated because of a role or title that I hold? Do I criticize and condemn myself like a naughty child for asking these questions? Are my naturally-impelled actions aligned with what I proclaim to value most? Is my faith expressed only by being in the right pew. at the right hour, on the right day? Do I find myself wanting others to see me in that pew, so they think the right thing about me?
Author and professor Brene Brown writes that integrity is, Choosing courage over comfort; Choosing what is right over what is fun, fast or easy. Choosing to practice our values rather than simply professing them. I continue to embrace the faith I was taught as a child, perhaps in a more joyous way than ever. I experience it honestly, aligned with my core values. For me, spirituality is about feeling divine Presence over intellectualizing or following ritual.
The all-encompassing Love that I believe in is untouched by any inconsistent experiences that I’ve had within a faith community.
Within human institutions, we sometimes judge, and feel judged. We can believe that we, or another, aren’t good enough to be part of a community. Right when we may need genuine, supportive connection most, we can feel quite separate from it.
With humility, I’ve challenged myself to not criticize or condemn what some call human nature that shows up within a community. Instead, I want to focus on living and encouraging a genuine care that forges the kind of community in which I can live and love fully and honestly, undivided.
The beauty is that I know I’m not alone in this desire. Honesty lifts up truth…and finds the courage to rewrite what hinders and harms.
Honesty is an inside job. Only we can know how sincere we are. We know the half truths and deviations we’ve allowed. So the question is, what do we do when they appear? Do we wallow in guilt and self-condemnation, or do we turn from these distractions, grateful to be aware of them, and look ahead with renewed focus? Out beyond ideas
of wrongdoing
and rightdoing
there is a field.
I’ll meet you there.
– Rumi |
