Cultivating Worthiness

Imagine you've created a stunning piece of artwork, pouring hours of passion and skill into it. At a studio opening, you price it at $1000, reflecting its true value. Then, I approach you and offer you $100 for it. How would you feel?

Naturally, you might feel indignant. "No! This is worth $1000!" You might feel offended. These reactions are completely understandable.

Why? Because you recognize the true value of your art. You would never accept my low offer because you know it's worth much more. It's a straightforward response—you won't settle for less than what you know your art is worth.

So why do we often accept less than what we know WE are worth?

Looking back on my life, I've allowed friendships, romantic relationships, and even encounters with strangers where I undervalued myself.

I've dated people who didn't deserve my time, effectively accepting $100 for my $1000 self-worth. I've internalized insults, letting them become part of my identity.

We only accept what we believe is true about ourselves. Let that sink in. We only accept what we believe is true.

Put another way, we allow into our lives what we think we deserve. So, when we accept someone's negative opinions or insults, it's because somewhere inside of us, we believe we deserve that treatment.

From a place of true worthiness, if someone were to insult me, I would simply not believe them and walk away. However, if I felt unworthy and believed the insult, it would reinforce a negative self-perception. We continuously gather evidence to support our beliefs about ourselves.

When others treat us poorly, we must take a hard look at ourselves and ask, “What is my role in this? What am I allowing? Why do I accept this in my life?”

We must realize that we are the ones holding ourselves back. No one else. While societal conditioning, upbringing, and past interactions may have taught us to feel unworthy, it is our responsibility to unlearn these patterns and rediscover our inherent worth.

As Brené Brown states, “Worthiness is a birthright!”

Let’s take a deeper dive into signs of unworthiness. 

Unworthiness can manifest in various behaviors, thoughts, and emotions. Here are some common signs of unworthiness. 

**And if you already know these signs or don’t need to diagnose unworthiness, skip to the section for cultivating self-love and worthiness. 

1. Self-Doubt:

   • Constantly second-guessing decisions.

   • Feeling inadequate or incapable.

2. People-Pleasing:

   • Prioritizing others' needs over one's own.

   • Fear of disappointing or upsetting others.

   • Difficulty saying no.

3. Perfectionism:

   • Setting impossibly high standards.

   • Being overly critical of oneself.

   • Fear of making mistakes.

4. Avoidance:

   • Avoiding challenges or new opportunities.

   • Fear of failure or rejection.

   • Procrastination or inaction.

5. Negative Self-Talk:

   • Internal dialogue that is self-critical.

   • Believing one is unlovable or undeserving.

6. Isolation:

   • Withdrawing from social interactions.

   • Feeling disconnected or unworthy of companionship.

7. Overachievement:

   • Overworking to prove one's worth.

   • Seeking external validation through accomplishments.

8. Imposter Syndrome:

   • Feeling like a fraud despite accomplishments.

   • Fear of being exposed as incompetent.

9. Acceptance of Poor Treatment:

   • Tolerating disrespect or mistreatment from others.

   • Difficulty recognizing or asserting personal boundaries.

10. Lack of Self-Care:

    • Neglecting physical, emotional, or mental health.

    • Feeling unworthy of taking time for oneself.

    • Prioritizing others' well-being over one's own.

11. Approval-Seeking:

    • Constantly seeking validation from others.

    • Fear of being judged or rejected.

    • Basing self-worth on others' opinions.

Any of these sound familiar? 

Yep… same. And while I have worked on my people pleasing, self-doubt, and negative self-talk, I have continuous unlearning and relearning to do.

Now that we know what unworthiness looks like, let's figure out ways to cultivate self-love and worthiness. No need to get overwhelmed by this list.. These are just some ideas that you could incorporate into your life when you feel ready.

Cultivating Self-love and Worthiness

1. Self-Reflection:

   • Journaling: Regularly write about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Reflect on what makes you feel worthy and what triggers feelings of unworthiness.

   • Inner Child Work: Connect with and nurture your inner child by addressing past hurts and providing the care and understanding you needed as a child.

2. Affirmations & Prayer:

   • Daily Affirmations: Write and repeat positive affirmations that reinforce your self-worth. Examples include "I am deserving of love and respect" and "I am enough just as I am."

   • Prayer: God, Universe, Divine Love, Energy (choose your own word for your prayers), guide me to experiences to express my worthiness. You are worthy, and I am a reflection of you; therefore, I am worthy. 

   • Inspiring Quotes: Find inspiring quotes to post around your room or on your mirror to look at as you brush your teeth. I like these from Rumi: “It is your light that lights the world.” “You show your worth by what you seek.”  "Stop acting so small. You are the universe in ecstatic motion." "You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life?"

3. Gratitude Practice:

   • Gratitude Journal: Keep a gratitude journal where you note things you are grateful for. Focus on the positives about yourself. For instance, instead of fixating on the pain or imperfections in your body, acknowledge and appreciate your body's strengths and capabilities. “I got up today. Thank you, body!” 

4. Self-Care:

   • Physical Self-Care: Engage in activities that care for your body, such as exercise, healthy eating, and sufficient sleep.

   • Emotional Self-Care: Practice mindfulness, meditation, and relaxation techniques to manage stress and cultivate inner peace.

5. Healthy Boundaries:

   • Set Boundaries: Learn to say no and set boundaries that protect your well-being. This includes distancing yourself from toxic relationships and environments.

6. Celebrating Small Wins:

   • Acknowledge Achievements: Celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small. Recognize your progress and give yourself credit for your efforts.

7. Practicing Self-Compassion:

   • Be Kind to Yourself: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. Be gentle with yourself during difficult times.

   • Forgive Yourself: Let go of past mistakes and forgive yourself. Recognize that everyone makes mistakes and that they do not define your worth.

8. Taking Up Space: 

   • Posture: Stand tall with shoulders back, chest up, and head high. This posture can boost your confidence and make you feel more powerful.

9. Creative Arts

   • Create an “I Love Me” Song: Craft a personal anthem or playlist that celebrates your worth.

   • Draw, paint, sculpt: Create your vision of yourself as the worthy woman that you already are.  

Again, just choose a couple of these to incorporate into your life or research some other ideas! Do what works for YOU! 

Remember that this is an ongoing journey, and it's important to be patient and compassionate with yourself along the way.

And never forget, YOU are worthy! 

Love, Devon / HHJ's Retreat Host